The brain has left the building!

I HAVE BLOGGERS BLOCK! I can't think of a single thing to blog about. I'm not sure why...maybe not enough "interesting" going on right now. I leave work with a brain that feels like if I try and make it work one more second, it will decide to go on strike. Leaving me a vegetable while it walks the picket line. I am imagining a brain with legs and a picket sign that reads: WTF?

I wish I could draw! That would be an awesome picture.

I'm preparing to move to a new apartment. Packing doesn't require brain power but it doesn't make for good blog topics either. Bubble wrap or Styrofoam peanuts? that would go over well. Maybe when things settle down I will find something interesting to be random about...

*FYI...bubble wrap OWNS Styrofoam peanuts. Hands down! I want some!

Nails and Texts

So one of the sisters and I went to have a couple of hours of pampering this past weekend. Manicures and Pedicures, BABY! Surprising enough, there are times that I act like a girl, despite what my maintenance MAN attire at work might otherwise have you believe. Anyway, a running joke with the sisters is what might these lovely Asian ladies be saying while they shluff (this is my made up word) the dead skin off our feet since they decide to speak in their native language? Maybe they are talking about the weather, or maybe one of their children made Honor Roll, could be about a recipe they tried for dinner last night, or that they slept like crap. However, what if they are saying "This woman needs some Trident" or "I don't think she has ever heard of lotion." or "Why in the world is she wearing flip-flops? She should hide these puppies!". Very disturbing really, but something worth going through for the end product.

So on this particular day I am getting a pedicure and the sister is getting, I don't know, it's something called acrylics, so we do not get to sit beside each other. They are pretty slammed so while my feet are soaking in the bubbly blue water, I'm flipping through a magazine, the sister is across the room soaking her hands in something or other (please note that I am sometimes a girl, so terminology on such matters isn't my strong suit and sure I could go look it up but then I wouldn't be being myself now would I?) and of course I flip to a page that I must tell her about so I decide to text. She gets it and laughs and replies, I read it, look at her and laugh and the lady rubbing on my feet looks at me like she really wants to know what is going on and I swear I see the imaginary light bulb go off and then have to text the sister again to tell her..."TEXT MESSAGES ARE LIKE THEIR SECRET FOREIGN LANGUAGE! Do you think she is wondering if I'm texting you about her bad breath or if she files my skin instead of toenail one more time I might kick her?" Not good when the shoe (or fake foamy flip-flop I should say) is on the other foot now is it???

Note: I absolutely love the work the people that run this shop do. And appreciate greatly the shluffing (I need to use that word more) that they do!

Another note: Sigh, on occasion I have to leave blog-land and do things in the real world so this blog is a little past due and didn't actually happen this past weekend. It was more like three weekends ago.

Photo provided by Flickr user Indanile

Nightmares and fluffy beds..

I woke up at 3:30 am. Another nightmare. They seem to be getting worse. I was myself but also watching myself. It was like I knew in my dream I was dreaming. The thing is above me, but I'm not afraid as I usually am. I am trying to kick and scream and fight back, but failing miserably because the kicks are in slooooooooooooow motion and the screams sound like when I was a kid trying to see if a friend could understand me underwater at the pool. When I was awake enough to realize the ceiling fan wasn't trying to send me Morse code messages (no I do not use drugs) and that Tucker was only making his normal grumpy old dog noises and not warning me of a ghost outside my bedroom door (not even over the counter drugs), I decided it was probably not a good idea to wake my mother up at that hour. The Bug did get to come sleep with me though. It had nothing to do with me thinking my 11 year old could scare away the bad stuff and everything to do with I thought she would love to sleep in the "its fluffier than mine" bed. That's my story and I'm sticking to it...

Pucker up, Baby!

Haven't felt like blogging lately. Things have been crazy around here, but instead of wanting to pull my hair out, I have had other done-up manes in mind. It is in my experience that one should lay low when in these moods. However, I have found a reason to come out of hiding. Sitting in the pedicure chair last week (wait until that blog...yeah), I was flipping through a magazine when I came upon this little nugget of creamy lip goodness! I will be honest here and say that it was the whole egg concept that made me become scavenger like in my search for one. You see...I am a package person. An advertisers dream. I once bought what I thought was Windex because they put it in a new clear container, with clear liquid, and pretty new words. It was so pretty I didn't even read the words which read something along the lines of Tilex Fresh Shower Daily Cleaner. Ummm, I have to make myself clean my shower once a week. I think not, on the once a day crap. Anyway, back on track...The egg balm! They call it a sphere. I will not conform, it will be known across the world (or at least my little world) as EGG balm! I like the shape for one other is much easier to find while digging at the bottom of my purse, unlike the traditional chapsticks. It comes in two flavors: Sweet Mint and Summer Fruit. I, of course, loving all things summer bought the latter for myself and Sweet Mint for the Bug. I think I won a few cool mom points, even though while applying you look like you might be practicing the application of clown lipstick. It is a must try, folks. You will not be disappointed.

Cowboy Boots and Superman...

* Warning: Mom, you will need to overlook a few words. Substitutes would have ruined the mood.

Knowing that I would be visiting a country bar on my road trip, I borrowed a pair of boots from a friend who got a pair for her recent birthday. (She is one of those cool people who may care a lot about her boots, but cares more about how awesome an outfit can turn out, so she gladly gave them up for the cause!) She has worn them out to a few of our excursions, but Ive never really understood her fascination with them. Until....

I put one on, then the other and BAM!! I am sure this is the feeling Superman feels when he rips off his button down and glasses in the phone booth. I stepped out of my phone booth (it was actually the hotel bathroom, but indulge me) feeling HAWT and ready to kick some shit. Only die-hard rednecks will understand the shit-kicking reference. Since I will have to give them back, because she knows where I live, I see a trip to the local hee-haw store in my future. I'm thinking boots and plaid button down. You think a cowboy hat (minus any weird feathers) would be too much?

Road Trip!!

I was asked to join a friend on a trip to to run an errand she had to take care of in the town she used to live in. It was about a six hour trip there and then six hours back (turned in to a little longer on the way back because of hauling a trailer, potholes and one wrong turn) the next day. I said yes, I would love to because of the company and because she had every detail planned for the trip. I say that last part was a factor because usually I am the one who has to plan trips and be the detail person and then end up being called bossy! Needless to say, I jumped at the chance to pack my suitcase and just tag-a-long. It was a wonderful 2 days!

We got on the road pretty early Saturday morning, drove two hours and had a very nice breakfast with bottomless cups of hot chocolate and overdue catching up. Denny's (do not scrunch up your face and make ewww sounds, it was good I tell ya!) gets two thumbs up for the bigger than my head bowl of grits and that they add whipped cream to the top of your hot chocolate, even the refill cups!

We drive two more hours and stop at Opryland Mills Mall and I know there is a mall out there that is so big that it has a roller coaster on the inside BUT this mall must be given credit also for it is no average mall! It is HUGE! Made a few bargain price purchases, had some lunch, then back on the road.

Two hours later after driving through some beautiful mountains we are at the hotel and proceed to get ready for the evening of fun my traveling host has planned. We meet up with her friend at the book store she used to work for (where I was still unable to track down the book that the grouchy teen has been asking for, I honestly think it doesn't exist and he has sent me on a wild goose chase for his amusement) and then *Please see sidenote at end of blog or scroll down now for random sidetrack goodness.* head to dinner. We all agreed on Outback because I have never been to one. I know, I know. And, no, I have not been hiding under a rock. It was an alright place. The food was very chain steakhouse quality but their "Wallaby Darned" beverage was....make straw slurping noises because there is none left...GOOD! I will google the recipe! After dinner it is off to Cotton Eye Joe's. No, I did not misspell or mispronounce it. We pull into the EXTREMELY crowded parking lot only to be greeted by a cowboy on a horse directing us where to park. We show ID, are ushered to the pay station which, THAT'S RIGHT, is a bar! Would you like a beer with that hand stamp? Then walk into the biggest country bar I have ever stepped foot in. The dance floor is the size of the downstairs of my apartment. Cowboys and their girls are everywhere! This place is so setting a "mood" that it even has a mechanical bull! (Must fight the urge to be Sissy from Urban Cowboy) All that was missing was peanut hulls all over the floor, which I might send them a letter to suggest. Several 2 Steps, 5 Steps, Tush Pushes and Cotton Eye Joes later (none of which I participated in because I was not so smart and brought in my purse because I assumed I was going to a tiny place like we have at home) we call it a night because it is errand time in a few hours! I had a great time and have several "sub" blogs coming up because of this little get away! Thanks, traveling host for the introductions to your great friends, long conversations and new experiences!

*Sidenote: Every time I say those two little words, I cant help but think of and then !

Wanna Be Rock STARS....

I CAN NOT STOP PLAYING THE ROCK BAND! (Wii version) I get that microphone in my hand and I become obsessed! The grouchy teen plays drums and The Bug switches between guitar and bass. I, of course, am lead vocals AND backup vocals!! I can not decide if I want to be Freddie Mercury or Paul McCartney. You'd think this would be an easy choice seeing as how one had panties thrown at him, while the other probably wore panties, but I tell ya, Mr. Freddie knew how to belt one out! The Bug got a little peeved when she wanted to have her turn at singing but I insisted that there was room for only one star in a band! We have come to an agreement that for two hours on Sundays we switch roles, for even a ROCK STAR must teach her children to share!

I bid you all a good night as I rest my voice and plot how to convince the band mates that they do not need to sit beside me (they claim they need to see the notes on the TV...pfft) that REAL drummers and guitarists play BEHIND the singer. Sleep well, folks!

The Whistler...

As an apartment leasing person I deal with a great deal of crazy. There is the man who decided to bring his broken toilet seat and plop it on my desk. No, it was not clean. There are the girls who had a penis drawn on the outside of their bathroom window, which I discovered because I was visiting a tenant who I was trying to school on the appropriate amount of laundry detergent to put into her stackable NOT full size washer. I have my favorite tenant (she has recently moved because she bought a home...I miss her) who officially decided to take the D out of my name and replace it with another N. She is also the tenant who locked herself in her upstairs bedroom and was only rescued by waving the security guard down as he passed by on rounds! Oooo or the woman who wants me to make it a rule to not allow people to park backwards in their parking spots because the exhaust fumes may leak through the windows. The one who answers his door in his underwear or the one who stands entirely too close to you when you have to be round him but I have officially found one that has my imagination on overload...

The Whistler. I can hear him coming before he swaggers through the door because he is ALWAYS whistling. I'm going to have to pay more attention to the tune he whistles but it creeps me out. Alfred Hitchcock comes to mind. To further prove how warped my imagination is....he lives here through the week while he works then travels out of state on the weekend to be with his family. YEAH! Tell me this isn't the perfect set up for a serial killer!! It makes me want to go all Scooby Doo on him and look for skeletons in his pantry! I may or may not wear a cute toboggan and matching gloves (dark colors of course), sunglasses and all black to investigate. I wonder if I can get a funny sidekick to tag along?